I never thought that nenu kooda lifelo BUSY ayipotaanu ani….
Flashbacklo ayithe whenever I call someone to meet them, vallu no this week am kevvus and kekas busy ani reply isthe….how is it possible? Busy enti? Ani thinke vanni. But now practicalgaa seeyina taruvaatha understood what busy means…
Pavan kalyan jalsa cinemalo kashtmaa…kastham ante ento telusaa ani interval mundu cheppinattu Busy is not just a four letter word which contains the letters B…U…S…Y…ani cleargaa artham ayipoyyindi…
· Rojantha college lo undi evening tutions chepi intiki return ayina taruvaatha kandipappu not brought ani intlo vallu tittatam,
· Week motham evarainaa call chesthe weekend kalustaa anatam and weekend vachesariki relatives.com intloki vaalatam and andulo unna kidsni Nehru zoo, salarjung musuemki round roundaa tippatam laantivi,
· Work ni tvaraga finish chesukoni evening friendni meet avutaam anukoni vehicle start chesi life style fly over meeda petrol ayipothe aa trafficlo vehicleni pushing and pulling chesukoni povatam,
· Poni cinemaki velli relax avutaam anukoni advance ticket book chesukoni velthe interval lo vehicle keys lose chesukovatam,
· Ivanni vaddule, temple ki velli peace of mindtho koncham sepu dhyanam.com chesukuntaam ani velthe cheppulu pogottukovatam
Ilaanti etc etcs tho last month motham busy.com…
Elaa…Elaaa…Elaaaa ee boredom nunchi escape avvali ani thinkutoo went and stood in front of the mirror…
Appudu, my aatmagaaru came in red tshirt and carbon black jeans and spokified like this: "See…nuvvu nee face.com, inkaa status SINGLE…tea angadiki velthe SINGLE Tea antaavu…Zoo ki kids tho velthe 3 half tickets and SINGLE full ticket antaavu, vehiclelo SINGLE veltaavu, Tennislo kooda SINGLES match choostavu, nuvvu nee SINGLE life.com" ani tittified me and again doorified into the mirror.
So, ilaanti timelo I thought ee edupulu and badhalu marchipovataaniki, cheppukovataaniki oka pilla dorikithe better ani…
Sare, Sri chaitanya or Narayana College bus stoplo wait chesthae vallu mari fast andaru ayi poyaru naku kali , Inka villa marie and st francis ante police jeeplo freegaa nearest police stationki vellataaniki PASS istaaru. So, adi kooda ruled out. Sare inti daggara neighbours ante vallani choosthe being SINGLE is better anipisthundi confidentgaa…
Inka Airlo lookukuntoo "Elaa…Elaa..Elaaa…ee SINGLE tag pogottukoni COMMITTED tag ki raavaali…duvvina talane duvvali…ponds powder poosukoni tiragaali…annamlo round roundgaa velu tippali…godalu gokaali and credit cards geekaali…" ani teevramgaa thinkaanu…appudu vachindi naaku oka solution…
www.orkut.com
Sare inka anukunna ventane I sat on my computer and opened IE 7 and typed www.orkut.com. Ventane net disc ani vachindi. Chi nuvvu nee SINGLE tag ani aatma malli anindi…
Sarle, letme go to the nearest reliance web world ani thinki akkadiki vellanu…opened orkut and started going through the communities.
Koddimandi Pics kooda pettaru. Egurukuntoo vallaki scrap pedataamani velthe Lock pettukunnaru.. you cant scrap them unless they are added in your friends list ani vachindi.
Sankar DADA zindabaad lo " aakalesthe annam pedataa, alisosthe oil pedataa" song tone and stylelo andaru " add chesthe reject chestaa, scrap chesthe delete chestaa" annaru.
Inthenaa Rajesh nee life…Single gaane undi potaava ani aatma.com malli adigindi
Let me teach this aatma a lesson. Naalo nidra potunna romantic fellow ni tatti leputaam bayatiki ani determination tho backgroundlo jalsa song " chalo re chalo re chal" song pettukoni orkutlo jana jeevana sravanthi unna communitieslo dooraanu.
Appudu akkada oka girl with a display picture of aishwarya rai pettukoni undi…Friends list ki velthe only 4 members unnaru…Orkutki fresher ani decide chesaa.
Sare, Veelaithe oka 4 scraps, kudrithe gtalklo chat anukuntoo scrap chesaa…
Devudaa…I got a reply back…jintaaku jita jita jintaaku tha….ani gentulu vesukuntoo scrapped back to her…by the way forget to tell her name…her name is Madhuri….
From that time onwards, M for madhuri tappa naaku emi teleedu…"What is your fav color and whats ur fav sweet" laantivi adigindi…
Madhuri emi adigina great anipinchidi…ilaanti questions adugutoo undi ante orkutke kaadu internetke new ani decide chesaanu…
So talks alaa start ayindi..neeku blue color ante isthama..naaku kooda blue color ante istham…neeku aishwarya rai isthamaa…naaku kooda …choosaava mana tastes anni kalisipoyyindi…laanti same old routine dialogs tho rechipoyyanu…
Spencers world ki vellanu…Ponds Powder techukunnanu…every one hour ki apply cheyyatam begin chesaanu…tv choodatam start chesaanu…axe ad choosaanu…Nijame anukoni oka 2-3 axe deos techukunnanu…then duvvina talane duvvukovatam and regulargaa barber shop ki vellatam laantivi chesaanu…family pack laanti stomachni 6 pack or 8 pack kosamki ready chesukuntaam ani decide ayipoyyanu…
Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…
Madhuri Kosam…
Evening I started to finish my tution work early and ventane intiki raavatam find her online and speakify with her…edo kotha world, different world ...special feeling…telliataaniki words.com is not enough…naalo nene navvu kovatam laantivi chese vaani…
Ilaa madhuritho talking chestoo unte one day she told me she had some fight with her sister swetha.
Nenu: " Enduku…Emaindi…Why Godava.org?"
Madhuri: " em cheyyanu neeku telusu kadaa naa fav cartoon tom and jerry vastoo unte my sis came and changed the channel..chaala hurt ayyanu, naku emo cartoon anthae challa istamu …"
Nenu[manasulo]:chinna pilla laga cartoon enti ?oh amayee kada vinta taste ani anukunanu
Nenu: "oh my…that's very bad…repati nunchi tom and jerry raagane remote ni hide.com cheseyi"
After speaking with her for an hour I logged off and then ventane chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to music world in banjara hills…
After reaching that place, I purchased all the tom and jerry series of DVDs…
Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…
Madhuri Kosam…
Madhuri kosam chesina purchaselo edo teleeni satisfaction…
Then, as usual reachified home and logged into my gtalk…my gosh madhuri onlinelo undi…
Sare, "Hello" ani kottanu and she replied me back…
As always, madhuriki nenu anthe entha isthamo ani thinku too chat cheyyatam begin chesaanu…
Madhuri: " Ee roju aa ravigaadu naa pen kottesaadu…"
Nenu [manasulo] : how lucky ee ravigaadu…naa madhurini daily choostunnadu ani thinkutoo outside ki
Nenu: " Ponile …Neeku Manchi Pen nenu testaale…dont worry"
Ani anukuntoo ventane chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to Walden in somajiguda and purchased all the best available pens in the store.
Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…
Madhuri Kosam…
Sare, ilaa madhuri tho chat chestoo oka month ayipoyyindi…
One fine day, I thought enough of chatting its high time I meet madhuri…
Nenu: "madhuri, why don't we meet each other? It's been long time since we know each other"
Madhuri: " Avunaa…Sare tomorrow is my birthday kadaa…so, do one thing, tomorrow evening come to my home at Hno: B3-64 HUDA colony in the evening, cake cutting kooda chestaanu"
Nenu: "sureshot…I will definitely come"
Ilaa cheppi madhuri ki emi gift istaam ani thinkukuntoo chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to Hyderabad central and oka watch and perfume konaanu…
Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…
Madhuri Kosam…
Taruvaatha, naaku maatram sale lo flat 20% offerlo oka formal wear konukkoni vachaanu madhuri intlo first time koncham impression kodataamani…
Next day, scene cut chesthe saloon shop lo facial chesukoni, shaving chesukoni, hair cutting chesukoni ready ayyi on the way chandanagar lo oka bouquet konukkoni vellanu…
Address find cheyyataaniki pedda hard work cheyyaledu…after finding akkada comb teesi duvvified and went inside. Vellagaane, I rang the bell…Oka china papa vachi talupu teesindi "chi…chi…bujji…kanna…ani oka dairy milk ichaa"
After going inside, I made myself comfortable there and saw there were many kids around and birthday cake anta vachi undi…
Cant control myself and am waiting eagerly for madhuri…
Inthalo previous door teesina papa vachi " uncle…mee perenti?"
Nenu: " Rajesh ani chepanu…Madhuri valla friendni"
Then aa papa went inside and brought one 30+ aged lady and told her:
"Amma…nenu cheppanu kadaa…daily nenu oka uncletho maatlaadutaanu…aayane naakosam tom and jerry dvds konnadu and pens and pencils kooda konnadu anesi…aayane ee uncle amma…"
30+ aged lady: " O sir.. meerenaa..maa ammayi tho chat chesedi…memu office ki velli vache sariki chaala late ayipothundi…deenikemo daani age grouplo friends leru..andaru 6th class and 7th class chaduvutunnaru…3rd class and 4th class chadive vaalu leru…andukey net pettinchaanu intlo so that she can make some friends online…lekapothe mammalni champesedi…thanks for entertaining her…"
Nenu Cake side choosanu…Happy birthday madhuri from mom and dad ani undi and 8 ane number candle undi…
Inka leche sakthi ledu, shocklo unnanu…speechless ayipoyyanu…mind block ayyindi…edupu vachindi…ee timelo
Madhuri: " Uncle..randi uncle …cake cut cheyyali…time ayipothundi and where are my gifts? Techaara tom and jerry and my pens and pencils…inkoti meeku blue color anthe istham ani candle blue color techaanu"
Edo alaa undi akkada happy birthday song singesi finally started returning home…appudu anipinchindi happygaa SINGLE gaa undakundaa ee MINGLE concept enduku anesi…
Moral of the Story: "Before you start chatting with someone to commit, make sure her age is not 8 and also she is not a school going kid and also make sure she doesnt like blue color which you like as well"
Losers want security; winners seek opportunity.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
SQL Query--(funny....)
WeddingQuery. ...... ....... (SQL Style)
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;
puzzle
IN COMMON ENGLISH,
IT IS A 7 LETTER WORD.
IF WE REMOVE 1 LETTER FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 2 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 3 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE ALL THE LETTERS FROM IT, STILL IT REMAINS SAME.
WHATZ IT ?
GUESS !!!
GUESS !!!
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POSTBOX
( he he he he... )
IT IS A 7 LETTER WORD.
IF WE REMOVE 1 LETTER FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 2 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 3 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE ALL THE LETTERS FROM IT, STILL IT REMAINS SAME.
WHATZ IT ?
GUESS !!!
GUESS !!!
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POSTBOX
( he he he he... )
SARDAR JOKES
1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be
free to leave the hospital.. However, if they fail, the institution will
detain them for seven years..
The doctor takes the three patients to the top
of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the
first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove
on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He
Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and
decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to
meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired
from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge
jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These
Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward,
but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he
returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month
later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the
second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar
idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be
free to leave the hospital.. However, if they fail, the institution will
detain them for seven years..
The doctor takes the three patients to the top
of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the
first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove
on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He
Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and
decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to
meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired
from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge
jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These
Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward,
but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he
returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month
later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the
second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar
idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
And then the fight started.....
************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my
wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
*************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep
the driveway.'
And then the fight started
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my
wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
*************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep
the driveway.'
And then the fight started
Friday, March 13, 2009
[Breaktime] Honest Answers to HR Questions!!!
Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different,tailored and suitable answers to the guy !
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have anyspecific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking ofthe fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get moremoney, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for achange" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extrathan what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked mycurrent salary by 30%)
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have anyspecific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking ofthe fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get moremoney, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for achange" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extrathan what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked mycurrent salary by 30%)
Three answers most scared by men.. Typical girls...
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women:
Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women:
Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
Cricket VS College
<<>>
Toss = Semester
Batsman = Paper
Umpire = Staff
Score board = Mark sheet
A play ground = Exam hall
Fast ball = long ques
Spin ball = short ques
Bouncer = out of syllabus
Wide ball = printing mistake
Sixer = above 75
Four = above 60
Runout = caught
Bowled = arrear
l.b.w = suspend
Catch = dismiss
Off stump = lover
Leg stump = friends
Mid stump = future
Bails = girl friends
Retire hurt = love failure
Third umpire = principle
Toss = Semester
Batsman = Paper
Umpire = Staff
Score board = Mark sheet
A play ground = Exam hall
Fast ball = long ques
Spin ball = short ques
Bouncer = out of syllabus
Wide ball = printing mistake
Sixer = above 75
Four = above 60
Runout = caught
Bowled = arrear
l.b.w = suspend
Catch = dismiss
Off stump = lover
Leg stump = friends
Mid stump = future
Bails = girl friends
Retire hurt = love failure
Third umpire = principle
Modern panchathanthra IT HUMOUR
*Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ] *
*Once upon a time *
*, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium
machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his
bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in
the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood *
*( the woodcutter and the axe ) *
*He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test
him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer
told her that he had lost his computer in the river. *
*As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match
box and asked, " *
*Is this your computer ? *
*" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer
replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said " *
*No, not at all !!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all
three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her,
"Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before
bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid
donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared
with the Pentium!!
******** *
*Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to
keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your
mouth and remove all doubt. *
*Once upon a time *
*, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium
machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his
bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in
the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood *
*( the woodcutter and the axe ) *
*He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test
him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer
told her that he had lost his computer in the river. *
*As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match
box and asked, " *
*Is this your computer ? *
*" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer
replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said " *
*No, not at all !!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all
three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her,
"Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before
bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid
donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared
with the Pentium!!
******** *
*Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to
keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your
mouth and remove all doubt. *
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