Haahahahahassssssssss :)

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever


************************************************************************
*
********

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.


************************************************************************
*
********

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you


************************************************************************
*
********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.


************************************************************************
*
********

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents


************************************************************************
*
********

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!


************************************************************************
*
********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again


************************************************************************
*
********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice


************************************************************************

keka story....SUPERRRRRRRRRR

I never thought that nenu kooda lifelo BUSY ayipotaanu ani….

Flashbacklo ayithe whenever I call someone to meet them, vallu no this week am kevvus and kekas busy ani reply isthe….how is it possible? Busy enti? Ani thinke vanni. But now practicalgaa seeyina taruvaatha understood what busy means…

Pavan kalyan jalsa cinemalo kashtmaa…kastham ante ento telusaa ani interval mundu cheppinattu Busy is not just a four letter word which contains the letters B…U…S…Y…ani cleargaa artham ayipoyyindi…

· Rojantha college lo undi evening tutions chepi intiki return ayina taruvaatha kandipappu not brought ani intlo vallu tittatam,

· Week motham evarainaa call chesthe weekend kalustaa anatam and weekend vachesariki relatives.com intloki vaalatam and andulo unna kidsni Nehru zoo, salarjung musuemki round roundaa tippatam laantivi,

· Work ni tvaraga finish chesukoni evening friendni meet avutaam anukoni vehicle start chesi life style fly over meeda petrol ayipothe aa trafficlo vehicleni pushing and pulling chesukoni povatam,

· Poni cinemaki velli relax avutaam anukoni advance ticket book chesukoni velthe interval lo vehicle keys lose chesukovatam,

· Ivanni vaddule, temple ki velli peace of mindtho koncham sepu dhyanam.com chesukuntaam ani velthe cheppulu pogottukovatam

Ilaanti etc etcs tho last month motham busy.com…

Elaa…Elaaa…Elaaaa ee boredom nunchi escape avvali ani thinkutoo went and stood in front of the mirror…

Appudu, my aatmagaaru came in red tshirt and carbon black jeans and spokified like this: "See…nuvvu nee face.com, inkaa status SINGLE…tea angadiki velthe SINGLE Tea antaavu…Zoo ki kids tho velthe 3 half tickets and SINGLE full ticket antaavu, vehiclelo SINGLE veltaavu, Tennislo kooda SINGLES match choostavu, nuvvu nee SINGLE life.com" ani tittified me and again doorified into the mirror.

So, ilaanti timelo I thought ee edupulu and badhalu marchipovataaniki, cheppukovataaniki oka pilla dorikithe better ani…

Sare, Sri chaitanya or Narayana College bus stoplo wait chesthae vallu mari fast andaru ayi poyaru naku kali , Inka villa marie and st francis ante police jeeplo freegaa nearest police stationki vellataaniki PASS istaaru. So, adi kooda ruled out. Sare inti daggara neighbours ante vallani choosthe being SINGLE is better anipisthundi confidentgaa…

Inka Airlo lookukuntoo "Elaa…Elaa..Elaaa…ee SINGLE tag pogottukoni COMMITTED tag ki raavaali…duvvina talane duvvali…ponds powder poosukoni tiragaali…annamlo round roundgaa velu tippali…godalu gokaali and credit cards geekaali…" ani teevramgaa thinkaanu…appudu vachindi naaku oka solution…

www.orkut.com

Sare inka anukunna ventane I sat on my computer and opened IE 7 and typed www.orkut.com. Ventane net disc ani vachindi. Chi nuvvu nee SINGLE tag ani aatma malli anindi…

Sarle, letme go to the nearest reliance web world ani thinki akkadiki vellanu…opened orkut and started going through the communities.

Koddimandi Pics kooda pettaru. Egurukuntoo vallaki scrap pedataamani velthe Lock pettukunnaru.. you cant scrap them unless they are added in your friends list ani vachindi.

Sankar DADA zindabaad lo " aakalesthe annam pedataa, alisosthe oil pedataa" song tone and stylelo andaru " add chesthe reject chestaa, scrap chesthe delete chestaa" annaru.

Inthenaa Rajesh nee life…Single gaane undi potaava ani aatma.com malli adigindi

Let me teach this aatma a lesson. Naalo nidra potunna romantic fellow ni tatti leputaam bayatiki ani determination tho backgroundlo jalsa song " chalo re chalo re chal" song pettukoni orkutlo jana jeevana sravanthi unna communitieslo dooraanu.

Appudu akkada oka girl with a display picture of aishwarya rai pettukoni undi…Friends list ki velthe only 4 members unnaru…Orkutki fresher ani decide chesaa.

Sare, Veelaithe oka 4 scraps, kudrithe gtalklo chat anukuntoo scrap chesaa…

Devudaa…I got a reply back…jintaaku jita jita jintaaku tha….ani gentulu vesukuntoo scrapped back to her…by the way forget to tell her name…her name is Madhuri….

From that time onwards, M for madhuri tappa naaku emi teleedu…"What is your fav color and whats ur fav sweet" laantivi adigindi…

Madhuri emi adigina great anipinchidi…ilaanti questions adugutoo undi ante orkutke kaadu internetke new ani decide chesaanu…

So talks alaa start ayindi..neeku blue color ante isthama..naaku kooda blue color ante istham…neeku aishwarya rai isthamaa…naaku kooda …choosaava mana tastes anni kalisipoyyindi…laanti same old routine dialogs tho rechipoyyanu…

Spencers world ki vellanu…Ponds Powder techukunnanu…every one hour ki apply cheyyatam begin chesaanu…tv choodatam start chesaanu…axe ad choosaanu…Nijame anukoni oka 2-3 axe deos techukunnanu…then duvvina talane duvvukovatam and regulargaa barber shop ki vellatam laantivi chesaanu…family pack laanti stomachni 6 pack or 8 pack kosamki ready chesukuntaam ani decide ayipoyyanu…

Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…

Madhuri Kosam…

Evening I started to finish my tution work early and ventane intiki raavatam find her online and speakify with her…edo kotha world, different world ...special feeling…telliataaniki words.com is not enough…naalo nene navvu kovatam laantivi chese vaani…

Ilaa madhuritho talking chestoo unte one day she told me she had some fight with her sister swetha.

Nenu: " Enduku…Emaindi…Why Godava.org?"

Madhuri: " em cheyyanu neeku telusu kadaa naa fav cartoon tom and jerry vastoo unte my sis came and changed the channel..chaala hurt ayyanu, naku emo cartoon anthae challa istamu …"

Nenu[manasulo]:chinna pilla laga cartoon enti ?oh amayee kada vinta taste ani anukunanu

Nenu: "oh my…that's very bad…repati nunchi tom and jerry raagane remote ni hide.com cheseyi"

After speaking with her for an hour I logged off and then ventane chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to music world in banjara hills…

After reaching that place, I purchased all the tom and jerry series of DVDs…

Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…

Madhuri Kosam…

Madhuri kosam chesina purchaselo edo teleeni satisfaction…

Then, as usual reachified home and logged into my gtalk…my gosh madhuri onlinelo undi…

Sare, "Hello" ani kottanu and she replied me back…

As always, madhuriki nenu anthe entha isthamo ani thinku too chat cheyyatam begin chesaanu…

Madhuri: " Ee roju aa ravigaadu naa pen kottesaadu…"

Nenu [manasulo] : how lucky ee ravigaadu…naa madhurini daily choostunnadu ani thinkutoo outside ki

Nenu: " Ponile …Neeku Manchi Pen nenu testaale…dont worry"

Ani anukuntoo ventane chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to Walden in somajiguda and purchased all the best available pens in the store.

Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…

Madhuri Kosam…

Sare, ilaa madhuri tho chat chestoo oka month ayipoyyindi…

One fine day, I thought enough of chatting its high time I meet madhuri…

Nenu: "madhuri, why don't we meet each other? It's been long time since we know each other"

Madhuri: " Avunaa…Sare tomorrow is my birthday kadaa…so, do one thing, tomorrow evening come to my home at Hno: B3-64 HUDA colony in the evening, cake cutting kooda chestaanu"

Nenu: "sureshot…I will definitely come"

Ilaa cheppi madhuri ki emi gift istaam ani thinkukuntoo chalore chalore chal, chalore chalore chal to Hyderabad central and oka watch and perfume konaanu…

Idanta evari kosam… evari kosam… evari kosam…

Madhuri Kosam…

Taruvaatha, naaku maatram sale lo flat 20% offerlo oka formal wear konukkoni vachaanu madhuri intlo first time koncham impression kodataamani…

Next day, scene cut chesthe saloon shop lo facial chesukoni, shaving chesukoni, hair cutting chesukoni ready ayyi on the way chandanagar lo oka bouquet konukkoni vellanu…

Address find cheyyataaniki pedda hard work cheyyaledu…after finding akkada comb teesi duvvified and went inside. Vellagaane, I rang the bell…Oka china papa vachi talupu teesindi "chi…chi…bujji…kanna…ani oka dairy milk ichaa"

After going inside, I made myself comfortable there and saw there were many kids around and birthday cake anta vachi undi…

Cant control myself and am waiting eagerly for madhuri…

Inthalo previous door teesina papa vachi " uncle…mee perenti?"

Nenu: " Rajesh ani chepanu…Madhuri valla friendni"

Then aa papa went inside and brought one 30+ aged lady and told her:

"Amma…nenu cheppanu kadaa…daily nenu oka uncletho maatlaadutaanu…aayane naakosam tom and jerry dvds konnadu and pens and pencils kooda konnadu anesi…aayane ee uncle amma…"

30+ aged lady: " O sir.. meerenaa..maa ammayi tho chat chesedi…memu office ki velli vache sariki chaala late ayipothundi…deenikemo daani age grouplo friends leru..andaru 6th class and 7th class chaduvutunnaru…3rd class and 4th class chadive vaalu leru…andukey net pettinchaanu intlo so that she can make some friends online…lekapothe mammalni champesedi…thanks for entertaining her…"

Nenu Cake side choosanu…Happy birthday madhuri from mom and dad ani undi and 8 ane number candle undi…

Inka leche sakthi ledu, shocklo unnanu…speechless ayipoyyanu…mind block ayyindi…edupu vachindi…ee timelo

Madhuri: " Uncle..randi uncle …cake cut cheyyali…time ayipothundi and where are my gifts? Techaara tom and jerry and my pens and pencils…inkoti meeku blue color anthe istham ani candle blue color techaanu"

Edo alaa undi akkada happy birthday song singesi finally started returning home…appudu anipinchindi happygaa SINGLE gaa undakundaa ee MINGLE concept enduku anesi…

Moral of the Story: "Before you start chatting with someone to commit, make sure her age is not 8 and also she is not a school going kid and also make sure she doesnt like blue color which you like as well"

Losers want security; winners seek opportunity.

SQL Query--(funny....)

WeddingQuery. ...... ....... (SQL Style)



CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null




SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO




Then the wife writes the below query:




DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

puzzle

IN COMMON ENGLISH,

IT IS A 7 LETTER WORD.

IF WE REMOVE 1 LETTER FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.

IF WE REMOVE 2 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.

IF WE REMOVE 3 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.

IF WE REMOVE ALL THE LETTERS FROM IT, STILL IT REMAINS SAME.

WHATZ IT ?


GUESS !!!

GUESS !!!

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POSTBOX
( he he he he... )

SARDAR JOKES

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2 Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..

12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,

"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said

another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

21 What is a girl friend?

Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be
free to leave the hospital.. However, if they fail, the institution will
detain them for seven years..

The doctor takes the three patients to the top
of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the
first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26 What's the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician

27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove
on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He
Replied that the

weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and
decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to
meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.

After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "

When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?

(What Happened, My Son?)

31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired
from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge
jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )

aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These
Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward,
but only one for going back!

32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he
returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .

because all of the first lot had died. A month
later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the
second lot had also died

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari

nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha

hai ki Reliance mai Job.

34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other

ensures U

Continue to do so.

35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne

Flag

Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &

comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo

ta ra ra.

37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess

what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an

hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character

thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya

hoga....???

40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki

break

fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a

Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher

Studies

Yaar...!!!

42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....

Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??

Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??

Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

52

43 Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

44 Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born

45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the

field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.

46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"

After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network

Follows."

49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,

Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.

Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!

gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..

50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is

love; after marriage it is self-defense

51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as

women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to

protect a country

BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI

53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st

patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch

& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a

positive side!

55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.

Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?

Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..

A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.

Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?

Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?

Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,

Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,

Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na

phatjain,

Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb

hay. :)

60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay

main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh

apny dost say

kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho

ker

yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy

61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai

kya?'

'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha

Hoon".

The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty

mein ek Aurat se takra betha.

Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "

Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."

64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he

osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!

65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.

66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat

ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.

67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.

68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par

ja rahi thi

achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !

kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?

kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...

larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..

"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "

69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek

bhi tili nahin jalti.

Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?

Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."

Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye

Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye

73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,

Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam

74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,

Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai

Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho

mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho

75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum

kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum

76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,

dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,

uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,

kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA

77 hi u all

i hv one puppy 4 u

1puppy 4 ur friend

1 puppy for ur fri ke fri

u know why???

becuz....... .....

ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai

78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai

Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai

Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain

Kaho ik di kaho ik din

Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din

Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din

merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din

Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...

79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,

uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)

80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka

maina

tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too

phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira

banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair

zata ha

woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer

pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo

paisa

left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo

humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka

astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha

hum

khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma

gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.

81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.

Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai

Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???

Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.

82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower

when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the

thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji

figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again

walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the

clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This

time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he

feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The

lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm

waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front

of me, do you?"

84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?

A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho

khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho

farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai

or tum ghayal kar jati ho

86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.

dukan daar: je hai

janab patan:eak kulo dado

dukan daar: je janab

janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.

87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay

main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay

main

40 minut lagay

88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he

Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha

hota he.

Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab

uthe ga?"

Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga

89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar

mujhe

pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga

bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!

90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay

ho

dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne

pehna

phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta

hoon

pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai

shadi

ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati

dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain

pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay

dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid

ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??

91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway

station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.

'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.

He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'

the second man asked & was handed a ticket.

Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'

'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.

'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh

92 The Equation:

7 Glance = 1 Smile

7 Smile = 1 Meeting

7 Meeting = 1 Kiss

7 Kisses = 1 Proposal

7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -

And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.

So beware of glance!

93 Plan For Future:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.

Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.

Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.

Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

94 Exams:

Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;

1,Too Many Questions.

2,Difficult to Understand.

3,More Explanation is Needed.

4,Result is always FAIL!

95 A man is dying of Cancer.

His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of

AIDS?"

Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom

96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else

Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?

Pupil : The moon.

Teacher : Why?

Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives

us light only in the day time when we dont need it.

98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?

Customer : What other colours do you have?

100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.

Sam : It's a family tradition.

Teacher : What do you mean?

Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.

Teacher : What about your mother?

Sam : She's a woman.

102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?

David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

Student : Brotherly love.

104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?

Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.

Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.

106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."

One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.

107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."

108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?

Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in

particular

She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !

110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli

chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:

Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)

111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.

Wife observes the whole episode

Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?

Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly

112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.

113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.

Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.

114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Banta singh: Post office.

115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?

Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."

116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar
idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...

"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?

Friend: B.A.

Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?

Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.

119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.

Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?

Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta

latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.

121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"

"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"

122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days

because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.

123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a

building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh

your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.

Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the

tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.

when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.

His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was

okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and

at last wrote - THUNK !!!"

125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an

accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the

hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by

ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him

sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre

and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced

the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now

what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.

He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from

the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go

where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume

pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m

a pagal but i m not a sardar.

126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;

But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?

Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters

127 TEACHER: Why are you late?

L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?

L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?

JOHNY: George!

132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we

didn't have ten years ago.

L-JOHNY: Me!

133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?

L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?

L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.

136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

L-JOHNY: I is...

TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."

L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "

L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday

sametime."

138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and

swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.

There are only 36 legs.HOW??

Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is

green and one is blue with red spots!

L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same

at home.

141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before

eating?

L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as

your brother's. Did u copy his?

L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

And then the fight started.....

************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my
wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep
the driveway.'
And then the fight started

[Breaktime] Honest Answers to HR Questions!!!

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different,tailored and suitable answers to the guy !
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have anyspecific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking ofthe fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get moremoney, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for achange" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extrathan what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked mycurrent salary by 30%)

Three answers most scared by men.. Typical girls...

1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women:
Anything

3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything

Cricket VS College

<<>>

Toss = Semester

Batsman = Paper

Umpire = Staff

Score board = Mark sheet

A play ground = Exam hall

Fast ball = long ques

Spin ball = short ques

Bouncer = out of syllabus

Wide ball = printing mistake

Sixer = above 75

Four = above 60

Runout = caught

Bowled = arrear

l.b.w = suspend

Catch = dismiss

Off stump = lover

Leg stump = friends

Mid stump = future

Bails = girl friends

Retire hurt = love failure

Third umpire = principle

Modern panchathanthra IT HUMOUR

*Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ] *

*Once upon a time *

*, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium
machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his
bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in
the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood *

*( the woodcutter and the axe ) *

*He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test
him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer
told her that he had lost his computer in the river. *

*As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match
box and asked, " *

*Is this your computer ? *

*" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer
replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said " *

*No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all
three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her,
"Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before
bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid
donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared
with the Pentium!!

******** *

*Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to
keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your
mouth and remove all doubt. *

The two funniest photographs you'll ever see!

A. The first photo was taken when the Chinese president went to US.




B. The second photo was taken when Bush went to China

Chinese call centre -- Too good!!!!

Good
Wan! (Good One!)'

Caller
:

Hello,
can I speak to Annie
Wan?

Operator:
Yes,
you can speak to me.
Caller
:

No,
I want to speak to Annie
Wan !

Operator
: Yes
I understand you want to speak to
anyone.
You can
speak to me. Who is this?
Caller
:

I'm
Sam
Wan .
And I need to talk to Annie
Wan! It's
urgent.
Operator
: I
know you are someone
and you
want to talk to anyone
! But
what's this urgent matter about?
Caller
:

Well...
just tell my sister Annie
Wan that
our brother Noe
Wan was
involved in an accident. Noe
Wan got
injured and now Noe
Wan is
being
sent to the hospital. Right now , Avery
Wan is
on his way to the hospital.

Operator:
Look,
if no
one was
injured and no
one was
sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter!


You
may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller:

You
are so rude! Who are you?

Operator:

I'm Saw
Ree .

Caller:

Yes!
You should be sorry.
Now give me your name!!

Operator:
That's
what I said. I'm Saw
Ree ...

Caller:

O
h
.......God!!!
!

Can someone clear my doubts??? :-(

Friends, sometimes I feel I know a lot and sometimes nothing. Can someone clarify the below
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)

2. If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5. Why do people say, 'you've been working like 'a dog' when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by one eyes)

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes you can)

14.Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built? (strange isn't it)

15.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (very nice)

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19.If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars?

Marriage.....??

Funnyyyyyyyy

*David* *Bissonette *
*When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her. *

*Sacha Guitry *
*After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together. *

*Socrates *

*By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.*

*Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. *

*Dumas *
*
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does
a woman want? *

*Sigmund Freud *
*I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. *

*Anonymous *
*"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." *

*Sam Kinison *
*"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage." *

*James Holt McGavran *
*"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the
second one didn't." *

*Patrick Murray*
*Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up. *

*Nash *
*The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once... *

*Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. *

*Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. *

*Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. *

.

*Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine." *

*Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."*

If U r brilliant Reply!!!!!!!

In India once there was a man who was born on 15.8.1970 and was murdered on 15.8.2007.
His wife called the police immediately.
The police questioned everyone.
First, the victim’s wife. She told that she was sleeping at the time of murder.
Secondly, his children told that they went to play cricket.
Then the watchmen told that he went to post office.
Then the cook told that she was busy with cooking.
At last, the Gardener told that he was busy with his garden works.
After hearing all these comments, the policemen found the murderer immediately and arrested.
How is it possible..........!!!!!!!!!!!
Think and Reply...........?

Romantic SMS's

1. Lives are for living I live for you
Dreams are for dreaming I dream for you
Hearts are for beating mine beats for you
Angels are for keeping. Can I keep you?

2. You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you
are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!

3. You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you
must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad
shooter because I Miss You Always...

4. If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but
at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!!

5. If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star.. So that
all the angels can see, how much you mean to me.

6. I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss
your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more!

7. Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that
one is ME !

8. I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !

9. If you live to be a hundred , I want to be a hundred minus one day , so I
don't have to live a day without you.

10. There are a lot of birds wispering only about you, you should once
listen to them, then you would know how much I love you.

11. When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't
wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, 'cause I did it
and I found you!

12. I hope that you finally understand, that I will love you untill the end,
because your not just my girl, you are also my best friend!

13. Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you.

14. My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you
all the love I have for you within my heart!

15. The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels'
faces, 'cus I live with one on earth.

16. Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know
you're worth that sacrafice!

17. If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you!

18. If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.

19. If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into
a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!

20. If you are mad at me, you might just as well give me all my kisses back!

21. One day you will ask me: What is more important to you, me or your life?
I will say: my life… You will walk away from me without knowing that YOU ARE
MY LIFE!

22. I have seen angels in the sky, I have seen snowfall in july, I have seen
things u only imAgine to see, But I haven't seen anything sweeter than you.

23.True love is hard to find. Special 1-1 of a kind. But the love inside of
me is true. It appeared the day I met you!

24. I believe that God above created you for me to love. He picked you out
from all the rest cause He knew i'd love you the best!

25. If I died or went somewhere far, I'd write your name on every star so
everyone could look up and see you mean the world to me.

26.I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am
with you.

27. Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end
of time.

28. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason
why I love you I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars.

29. If you live for 100 more days, then I want to live for 100 more days
minus one so that I'd never have to live without you.

30. They say you only fall in love once, it can't be true. Everytime I look
at you, I fall in love all over again.

31. I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me
because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.

32.Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.

33. If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, just know that you
are in my heart. You'll be in there forever!

34.Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?

35.You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree, but the best way to
fall is in love with me.

36. If I had a rose for everytime I thought about you Id be walking in a
garden forever.

37.I wrote your name in the sand but the waves washed it away. I wrote your
name on my hand but I washed it the next day. I wrote your name on a paper
but I accidentally threw it away. I wrote your name in my heart and forever
it will stay.

38.If I can only be with you in my dreams then I'll sleep for ever.

39.Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. So wait for me,
I'll be right back.

40. Why is it that I have to climb 1000 mountains to get to you and all you
have to do is smile to get to me?

41. If I got a penny every time I thought of you I'd be a millionaire by
tomorrow.

42. If you stood in front of a mirror and held up a dozen roses you would
see the 13 most beautiful things in the world.

43.A day without you is like a day without light because you light up my
life.

44. Is it true? Can it be? Are you the only one for me?

45. Tonight I ask the stars above. How I'll ever win your love. What do I
do.What do I say. To turn your angel eyes my way?

46.The shortest word for me is "I"
The sweetest word for me is "love"
The only word for me is "you!"

47. The way you look into my eyes, It scares me
The way you say "I love you", It scares me
The way you know just what to say, It scares me
The ways you scare me, I love it

48. Good days come often, Bad days do too, But the best days only come when
I'm with you.

49. You tripped me, so I fell for you.

50. I will love you until my heart stops beating.

51. If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

52. I wish I was your blanket, I wish I was your bed, I wish I was your
pillow underneath your head, I want to be around you, I want to hold you
tight, and be the lucky person who kisses you goodnight.

53.Each time I miss you a star falls from the sky, So if you look up at the
night sky and find it dark with no stars, its all your fault, you made me
miss you too much.

54. Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.
In case you didn't know, I'll be loving you always and forever!

55. Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your
soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine…I love you.

56.Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I've done in my life.

57. Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part.

58. Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness.

59. Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines... it all comes naturally, just
like loving you.

60. Bfseing with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true.

61. Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me!

62.Just had to let you know... you're the best! I love you!

63. You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean,
and the beat in my heart.

64.I wish I was there to hold you tight instead of just send this loving,
"Good Night."

65.Thank you for being the one who calms all my inner fears.

66. Just when I thought it couldn't get better, you prove me wrong! I love
you!

67.I LOVE YOU 2-DAY
I LOVE YOU 2-MORROW
PUT IT TOGETHER
I LOVE YOU 4-EVER

68.How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.
Love you dear.

69.I'm not the same since i met u, the days turned longer the nights turned
colder and u will always have a special place in my heart just for you. I
LOVE YOU

70. Without your LOVE, dayz are "Saddy, Moanday,Tearsday, Wasteday,
Thirstday, Frightday, Shatterday".

71. Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the
love I have for you within my heart. xXx

72. I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see
you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE
YOU!....

73.It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really
rain, the sky was crying because it lost its most beautifull angel....!

74. Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you
know you're always on my mind!

75. If i could give u 1 thing in life, i would give u the ability 2 c
yourself through my eyes, only then would u realise how special u r 2 me!

76.Listed below are the things that I dont like about you:
1.2.3.4.5.6. 7.8.9.10. ..
What can I say? I LOVE everything about U!

77. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T V W X Y Z
oops! i miss "U"

78. U have been called b4 cupids court 4 stealin my heart, tresspassin in my
dreams and robin me of my senses, uv been sentenced 2 a lifetime with me,
how do u plead?

79. Last night I sent an angel 2 watch over u while u were sleeping but it
came back early! So I asked it why? It said that angels don't watch over
other angels!

80. By following my heart I came to you, I only forgot to take something
back with me. For my thoughts are still with you.

81. Roses of red grow in my heart and they will never wither... 'Cause they
bloom every time I see your smile, hear your voice or just think of you!

82. You know what, in the whole world there is no such darling whom I love
and I want the whole world to know that I will never forget you!

83.You are always in my heart, here and everywhere, There is no one in the
whole world that makes me feel this way.

84. They learned me that one hours equals 60 minutes and that one minute
equals 60 seconds, but they never told me that one second without you can
last for ever!

85. I do not think much, i do not think often, but when I think, I think of
you!

86.Tears in my eyes ......... Tears for you ...... Tears that realise how
much I love you.

87. If a raindrop would mean ... I love you and you would ask me how much I
love you, i bet you that it would …. rain all day !

88. I love you even more than when I started this sentence.

89. I'll love you till the end! And then some more.

90. A day without your love is a day without life.

91. U may be out of my sight, but not out of my heart. U may be out of my
reach, but not out of my mind. I may mean

92. nothing to u, but u'll always be special to me.

93.Someday you'll 4get abt me, ...my name, ...my voice, who I am & who I am
2 you... But even if you 4get abt me, I just wan u to know... I'll never
4get you...

94. So many questions, but the answers are so few, all i really know, is, I
MISS YOU !

95. I may seldom tell u how special u are, i may not be able to reach u coz
we're both busy, but inspite of all, u know u are someone i really miss and
care about.

96.I dont have the measels, i am not confined to bed, asperin wont help coz
it aint my head, i dont have back ache or the flu, its more serious...i am
missin u!

97. Ull always be mine 4 now & 4ever.Ull always be mine 4 u r my
treasure.Ull always be mine please tell me its true.Please be mine 4ever ill
always luv u.

98. Sweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u
are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled into
1.

99. I have liked many but loved very few. yet no-one has been as sweet as u.
I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue. just for the pleasure of a
moment with u.

100. A special smile a special face.a special someone i cant replace.i luv u
i always will.uve filled a space no one can fill!

101. I luv ur eyes i luv ur smile.i cherish ur ways i adore ur style. Wot
can i say?ur 1of a kind & 24/7 ur on my mind!

102. As I lie awake in my bed. All sorts of thought run through my head,
Like why do I love you as much as I do. Then I realise its because you are
you!

103. I love so much my heart is sure. As time goes on I love you more. Your
happy smile, Your loving face, No one will ever take your place.

104. I hide my tears when I say your name,
but the pain in my heart is stil the same.
Though I smile and seem carefree,
there's no one who misses you more than me!!

105. Is that love i see in your eyes, or merely a reflection of mine?

106. Curved high on a mountain covered in dew... I saw these 3 words... I
LOVE YOU!

107. Fate has brought us together, to meet, to know and to part is the
saddest thing in life... I £ove You...

108. A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT.... WouLd
iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU???

109. It is not being in love that makes me happy... but is being in love
with YOU that makes me happy.

110. Being near is not the meaning of being dear,
I may be far from u but msgs are bridges
2 make u feel that I always REMEMBER YOU!

SMART SENTENCES

1. God is real, unless declared integer



2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.



3. Death is hereditary.


4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.


5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.


6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.


7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.



9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.


10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.


11. Well done is better than well said.


12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.


13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.


15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relativ es.



16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die .

Contrary Proverbs

All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.



The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.



Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.



The best things in life are free
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch



Slow and steady wins the race
BUT
Time waits for no man



Look before you leap
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot



Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.



Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.



Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.



Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.



Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.



Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.



Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.



You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks



What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.



Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.



Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.



Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them

If billgate wanna design windows sys for telangana telugu-dont miss it

The Best "OUT OF OFFICE" email auto replies

The Best
"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail
Auto-Replies:








1: I am currently out at a job
interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position .

2: I'm not really
out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this
automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are
you wouldn't have received anything at all.


4: Sorry to have
missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be
promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,
worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be
patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was
received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your
message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer
and try sending again.'

(The beauty of this is that when you
return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and
over).

8: Thank you for
your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in
352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by
your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for
my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away
to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE
CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as '
Loretta

'
instead of 'Steve

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..



2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.



3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?



4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.



5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.



6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.



7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.



8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..





9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.



10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Tip of the day-Two Eyes

Its just funny

not in realityyyyyyyy

Hi

*Do you know the relationship between your*

* two eyes?*

* *

*1. They blink together.*

*2. They move together.*

*3. They cry together.*

*4. They see things together.*

*5. They sleep together.*

*6. They never see each*

*other..........*

* *

* However, when they see a woman, one will*

* blink and another will not.*

* *

* **Moral of the story: Women can break any*

* kind of relationship!!! :)*

Wonderful definitions of designations

Wonderful definitions of designations:

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS of producing a baby.
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby. (Loved it!!!)
10) HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months.

Difference between recruting and employee its great

One day while walking down the street a highly
successful

Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once
had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what
to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is
let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven",
said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules...."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a
beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front
of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and
they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and
kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an
excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed
an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind

of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.. She was having
such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook
her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator..

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.
Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the
next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She
had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell..



When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate
wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in
rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced
and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

...

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"Yesterday we were Recruiting you, today you're an EMPLOYEE!"